The Lament of Sirius Black
by Evil-Irish-Wolf
Summary: Sirius stared at the man that had caused him so much grief, the man that had taken his Prongs from him. A slashly take on Sirius's POV from book three and on. Note that Sirius is slightly crazed and obsessed. Obviously, SLASH! JPSB! Spoilers from book 3
1. Musings of a Lost Soul

Disclaimer: I don't own it, sadly.

Warnings: **SLASH!** JPSB! Themes of slight madness. Oh, and references to _Het!_ I know that grosses some of you out. Try and have an open mind. : ) AU-ish

--**Will be multi-chaptered.** -Gasp- It's my first one, so well see how this pans out. Hopefully, I won't drown. I'm trying to make it follow Sirius from his time in Azkaban to his death, if people like it. Well, I'll probably finish it anyway. It's more of a test for myself, I suppose.

**Special Thanks To:**

-Akito-Aya, whose wonderful idea will be used later on in this fic! -hearts-

-Artzii for always pushing me on and reviewing **every **blasted thing I've ever written. You're a saint! -hugs-

-Nika Dawson and Padfoot Reincarnated for making me feel like I'm not a total loser at this.

-Everyone else that has ever reviewed anything that I've written. It's truly appreciated.

* * *

**The Lament of Sirius Black**

**By: EIW**

* * *

It was raining. 

It wasn't a torrential downpour nor was it a light drizzle. It was simply raining, as it always did.

Still, it wasn't a normal type of rain, but more of a chilling rain that could wet a person to their core. This type of rain would seep into a person's skin and worm its way into their very bones leaving only a hollow emptiness flowing through their veins. A rain like this caused shadows to slink into the minds of even the strongest men and twist their logical and rational thoughts into a wild disarray of paranoia and senseless ramblings. Rain like this only existed in one place.

Azkaban.

Then again the rain was nothing special. It _always_ rained in Azkaban.

There wasn't any natural light either. The only illuminations in this dark place were from a passing Auror's wand or the lightning. It didn't happen often, but on occasion it would light up the starless sky. There was only lightning when something important was happening in the world. The night that Sirius Black was dragged in this hell-hole the lightning was coming down at such a fast pace that it was difficult to decipher where one streak ended and another began. The lightning would dash across the sky in jagged vein like streaks, but never thundered. Not once.

Sirius Black hasn't seen sunlight in over twelve years now. He can't even remember what the sun looks like anymore if he's being completely honest, but then again he tries not to think about the way that things used to be. Those were dangerous thoughts when one was locked up in the middle of some dark cold prison.

Prison was a kind word to use for a place like Azkaban.

It was more like…well…a version of Hell, Sirius supposed. Then again it wasn't like he was in his right mind anyway anymore. He's wasn't a raving lunatic like his cousin a few blocks down from him, but he couldn't be considered balanced either.

Not since that night.

Azkaban wasn't the thing that had turned Sirius Black slightly insane. Oh, no. He'd been mentally off kilter ever since he'd seen James's house blown up, ever since Halloween all those years ago; because on _that_ Halloween night Sirius's soul had died right next to James. Which he supposed was why the Dementors had a lesser liking to him. He didn't have as much of a soul to feast off of, let alone any happiness left.

Once again, that wasn't the best thought to have.

Thoughts like those only got a prisoner pulled even further into the dark empty pit of madness that was almost inevitable, especially with his family's history. When these particular thoughts rack about his brain, he begins to chant his mantra.

_My name is Sirius Black._

_I was born in 1960. _

_My favorite color is hazel._

_I'm a Gryffindor._

He'd go on and on until his thoughts filed back in order. He thought about anything and everything. He'd walk the grounds of Hogwarts and rediscover every nook and cranny all over again. He'd recite stories from his childhood and sing the words to every song he knew. Once, he even traced his family tree back all the way to the Dark Ages just to get the image of James's lifeless body out of his head. It was amazing that he could still remember all of that "Toujours Pur" rubbish his mother had beat into him, sometimes literally beat into him.

Although, the best way to remain sane was to think about James. His Prongs never let him down. Sirius would relive all of their years together inside of his mind. He'd start with the train ride where they'd shaken hands for the first time and work his way up to graduation. Sirius would never dare go further than that though because after graduation James belonged to Evans. When he was feeling particularly vindictive he'd remind himself that he'd had James to himself longer than Evans had. That bloody ginger flower had ruined everything and the worst part was she hadn't even tried.

That thought would always kill Sirius all over again. Unlike Sirius, whose life had revolved around James, she never had to try to get James to notice her like that.

Maybe she'd had James all along.

Not that it truly mattered anymore. They were both dead. Even now she still had James all to herself.

Then his mind goes blank. It goes dark and he can't remember anything for a moment. Then he realizes what's happening.

Oh, no.

They're coming.

Even if the Dementors didn't like him as much as others, he still felt the effects of them being so close.

His long too thin spidery fingers grasp onto his matted rotten black hair, gripping it painfully just to make sure that he can still _feel_ pain. It's always reassuring when his scalp aches for release. It's important to feel things, Sirius reminds himself. It makes him know that he's still alive, even if he wishes with every ragged and painful breath that he wasn't.

He doesn't want to be alive, not without _him_…

It was important to remember those simple things about himself though because it made him feel more human and sane. It made him remember who he was because even though he was only a prisoner of Azkaban, he was still a person. A person that used to have a life before he got shipped off here, a person that lost everything to the darkness so long ago, a person that wished that there was a way out; any way out would do. He just wanted _something_.

An eerie feeling creeps into his cell. They're so close. He can hear their whispers to each other. Their bones are creaking and he can smell the stench of death on them. It's over powering his senses. His brain is twisting into the empty pit of insanity. He needs to escape. There has to be a way. If he can just pull himself together a bit it'll be alright.

If he can just remember James, he can make it through.

His eyes are jammed shut and the heels of his hands are applying such pressure to his eyes that he's seeing dark colors burst out from the depths of his mind. He can feel his legs shaking and his body has begun to rock back and forth.

_James._

_James._

_James._

And then, ever so slowly he can see James's black unruly hair that he only makes worse by ruffling it every couple of minutes. Next, James's eyes are coming into focus. Those gorgeous hazel eyes that are sparkling at him through his gleaming spectacles, he can fully see James now and it's all going to be fine. Sirius just has to stay here in his mind with James because Jamie always fixes everything.

Then somehow, they're in animagus form. It must be a full moon. Moony must be somewhere, but it seems dreadfully unimportant that there's a werewolf roaming the school grounds now. It doesn't even look like school actually. It's then that Sirius realizes that he's transformed in his cell, but he can still see Prongs. His Prongs hasn't left him. He's glittering in the flashes of lightning. Sirius can actually _see _him.

Everything is going to be alright.

Prongs steps through the bars of his cell and as always Padfoot follows right after.

-----The next day-----

**Escape from Azkaban!**

_Sirius Black has escaped!_

_Read more on pg. 5... _

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**A/N: **Okay, so I hope that was alright. I'm slightly nervous because I've only ever written one shots. Not the best ones at that, but still. People have asked so here we go. 

--**Please review!** It's always lovely to hear what you all think. Thanks for taking the time to read my fic!


	2. Mr Shacklebolt's Really Bad Day

Disclaimer: Not mine, just using them for a bit.

Warnings: Hey guess what? It's still **SLASH**!

**A/N:** I'm taking liberties with Mr. Shacklebolt's character and the duties of Aurors. So, yeah.

_Italics - flashback_

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Mr. Shacklebolt's Really Bad Night.**

* * *

Kingsley Shacklebolt hated rounds. 

Walking around this dark and eerie place with only his wand for light was not the way that he liked to spend his nights. Well, there was lightning tonight, but that was only making Azkaban seem even haunting and creepier. The flashes of light were illuminating the sky in such a way that it gave Kingsley the chills. Nothing good ever happened on a night like this.

However, because he was an Auror it was part of the job to make sure that the Dementors were doing their duties and the prisoners were behaving. So, he trekked on, trying his best to fight down the anxious feeling in his stomach. It wasn't anything to worry about, it was just the Dementors. They always made people feel wary.

Like he could actually_ make_ the Dementors so anything that they didn't want to do. The Dementors didn't listen to anyone. Why Fudge felt so confident in their loyalty was beyond him. They clearly only did things that were in their benefit and, at the moment, being on their side was a good political move on their part. Nothing more.

Doing the rounds at Azkaban was a miserable task to say the least. The prisoners were crazy and the Demenors were beginning to get to him. He could barely function with them creeping around and sucking his happiness away. They were always excited when fresh victims came along. So, instead of focusing on the job at hand Kingsley found himself thinking of all the bad memories and reliving all the worst feelings he'd ever had.

It was very counterproductive and more than irritating.

Oh, and it was raining. Azkaban couldn't even have normal rain; it just had to be that haunting cold rain that stuck with you hours after getting out of there.

All of the sudden, his wand light flickered as he took a few steps forward. He blinked and looked up from his musings.

Without realizing it Kingsley found himself at the door that led to the High Security section of Azkaban. The odor of death was clinging around the door. This place had double the amount of Dementors and even smaller cells. It was really the absolute most despicable place in the entire world. However, it was also his last area to inspect before he could go home and take along shower, a scalding hot one at that.

As he passed the different cells, he read off each name.

_Rodolphus LeStrange_

_Rabastan LeStrange_

_Bellatrix LeStrange_

_Bartemius Crouch, Jr._

_Antonin Dolohov_

_Sirius Black_

That last one never sat right with Kingsley.

He'd gone to school with Sirius and James. A few years below them, but everyone knew of the Marauders. He'd seen the way that they'd been together and he knew that something wasn't right with the way that Sirius was convicted. He knew that all the evidence pointed towards Sirius, but he could never fathom why Sirius would've very nearly killed James. It just didn't make sense.

When Kingsley had gone to school there was always a division of houses and years. Even in a single house was always different groups that carved out a notch for themselves. No where was that more evident than in the Common Room.

Everyone had their assigned placements. The first years got the area around the entrance hall. The older girls got the window area and the Marauders got the fireplace, right in the center of the room. That's how it had always been.

The boys in that year were always the center of attention everywhere they went. It was only amplified in the Lion's common room. They were like celebrities. Not only that, but they were like a brotherhood. They were all best friends. At least thats what everyone thought.

They always put on a good show, but if someone looked carefully they could see that there were division lines within the group. Kingsley always prided himself on his observational skills.

He'd watched them for hours. Always trying to figure out why they had an odd way about them. Why did this group of friends stick out more than others? Eventually, Kingsley had figured out that it wasn't that they were different than the others; it was that they acted differently towards one another.

Yes, they were all close in that group, but James and Sirius seemed to be in a realm of friendship all their own. He wasn't sure what the difference between those two was, but even at age twelve he knew that there was something different about them. Something slightly odd, but they'd left school two years later and he never did figure it out.

He'd gotten close though. Very close.

_--Begin---Flashback---Sequence---_

"_Hurry, James!" Kingsley heard Sirius call from the bottom of the stairwell._

_They must be running late again, Kingsley thought to himself rolling his eyes, as usual._

"_I'm coming, Padfoot" James yelled back staggering down the stairs still pulling on his shoes. However, he didn't realize that Sirius was just at the foot of the stairs and he practically slammed into his best friend. Sirius caught James just in time before he fell._

"_Oh, that hurt" Sirius murmured as he gripped James's midsection tighter and heaved him up. "Way to be, Prongs" he said with his crooked grin. James just smiled and ruffled his hair and that was when Kingsley saw it. He wasn't sure what "it" was, but Kingsley realized that something very other worldly was occurring._

_Sirius's eyes stared directly at James's. Even from across the room Kingsley felt the heat that resonated in that stare. James just grinned back at Sirius and moved slightly closer. He stared at Sirius as if he was Christmas morning. The magic in the air around them seemed to crackle to life. After a few moments they just started the laugh at something unsaid, but they didn't move away nor did they take their eyes from one another. _

_To say that it was an unearthly feeling was a gross understatement. _

_It was like they set the room on fire. When they were together they just glowed.  
_

_He wasn't sure if it was the fact that he'd never seen two people look at each other like that or because they were still grasping each others hands tightly, but he felt like he was intruding on a very private moment. _

_It was such a simply memory, but it felt like the most important one that he'd witnessed that included them.  
_

_---End---Flashback---Sequence---_

It was then that he finally glanced back into the cell of the man the he'd known so long ago.

And his cell was empty.

Sirius Black's cell was empty.

That was first thought that made its way through Kingsley Shacklebolt's numb mind. It wasn't a hard concept to understand.

There was a cell and it was empty, but all the same Kingsley found himself staring through the dreary darkness at the dingy cell. He still couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that someone had escaped from Azkaban.

Not just someone, but Sirius Black. Kingsley had to remind himself that it wasn't the same Sirius as in his memories. Oh, no this man had blown up an entire Muggle street and killed thirteen people with a single curse. This man had sold his best friends out to the Dark Lord. This man had destroyed Peter Pettigrew until all that was left was a finger.

This man had escaped and was now on the loose.

"Well…shit," with that statement Kingsley Shacklebolt found himself running to the apparation wards. Yelling orders to the Dementors, Kingsley apparated into the night with a faint pop.

He had to alert the Auror divsion, send out a search team, get in contact with the Minister and more importantly Dumbledore.

* * *

Cold dark water splashed into Sirius's face again. He could feel his legs and arms beginning to tighten up from the harsh icy water. The rain was coming down in freezing blasts and was doing nothing for his blurry vision. As much as he enjoyed being Padfoot, the color blindness was not helping at the moment. His muscles were straining while trying to keep him afloat. The air that he was breathing in and out was setting his lungs on fire. His body ached for him to give up. He'd been swimming for hours now. He couldn't even begin to figure out where he was. All he knew was that if he didn't find land soon, he'd surely drown. 

He'd spent thirteen years in a place worse than Hell and now he was going to drown after mere hours of escaping? What a cruel trick to play on an already broken man.

As soon as he'd hit the water, he'd lost track on Prongs. He'd just disappeared. He'd left Sirius all alone again. Once again, Sirius Black was left without his James.

All of the sudden his legs hit something hard.

Land.

He'd made it.

With a renewed vigor he swam and staggered out of the murky water. He shook his furry body violently trying to detach all the frigid water off his body. Glancing around and trying to gain a sense of direction, Sirius found himself to be completely and utterly lost. He'd just have to pick a way and follow it. It wasn't the best situation to be in, but that didn't matter.

He was _free_. He was also slightly clean after his romp in the sea, so that was nice as well.

Shivering and shaking all the while, he transformed back into his human self and stood on real ground for the first time in thirteen years. Now all he had to do was get to Peter. That little rat was going to die even if it took Sirius the _next _thirteen years of his life. That little fat rat was going to pay, with interest.

Why did he get to live when Sirius had lost everything?

He'd lost his James because of that infernal creature and Peter would get his comeuppance for that. Oh, yes he would.

Vengeance seemed much easier when he wasn't locked up in some cell next to his screeching cousin and her lunatic fellow Death Eaters. Crazy demented freaks that they are. For an innocent such as himself, Dementors weren't the worst things in Azkaban. He'd paid the price of not being one of _them_. He'd paid dearly.

Feeling around in his pockets, Sirius pulled out a crinkled and damp photo from the Daily Prophet. A wicked crooked grin stretched across Sirius's gaunt and pale white face revealing his slightly rotted teeth. His eyes blackened and twisted to show an almost inhuman evil glint in them. Time to go visit his dear friend Peter; Sirius thought darkly, after all they'd been separated for far too long.

Hogwarts, a place that he most definitely never wanted to go near again. There were far too many bitter memories there. Too many shadows of the past, but to get revenge he'd have to go.

To catch James's killer he'd have to go.

With that last thought spurring him on Sirius leapt up and transformed into Padfoot. He glanced around once more and looked into the woods that surrounded the black sanded beach. Right between the thick trees Sirius spotted a glimmering figure with antlers.

His legs sprang to life and Padfoot darted into the dark mess of woods.

* * *

Far away, in a dimly lit warm house, a pudgy man was woken up to the sound of an owl rapping on the window. 

Blindly reaching for the window latch, the man managed to finally open the window after a few moments, much to the owl's irritation.

_**Urgent message to the Minster of Magic:**_

_Cornelius,_

_Sirius Black has escaped the confines of Azkaban late last night. What actions do you suggest the Auror Department take, Minister? Swift action is needed to prevent future problems. _

_Head of __Department of Magical Law Enforcement_

_Amelia Bones_

The letter slipped from Cornelius Fudge's hands and floated to the floor. He stared blankly out into the night. Sirius Black had escaped? What was he supposed to do against You-Know-Who's right hand man? How was he supposed to deal with this situation? No one was suppose to be able to break out! Where were the Dementors?

Fudge's pudgy hand ran over his face as he tried to get some understanding of what was happening.

He needed Dumbledore.

Scrounging up some parchment and a quill, he jotted down a quick note to the man. After sending the owl straight to Dumbledore, he sat down and waited to see what he should do. After all he was only an elected official. He couldn't make decisions by himself.

* * *

**A/N:** Ah, the last line was from The Nightmare Before Christmas. The mayor always reminds me of Fudge. I don't know why. 

--Thanks for reading and please review! I'll give you cake: )


	3. Mr Black Has a Thing For Squids

Disclaimer: I don't own this! -Gasp- Shocker.

Warnings: It's still **SLASH!**

**A/N:** Okay so, this one part in this seems a little raunchy, but I totally didn't mean for it to be. I'm just oblivious, as is James, about the conversation. Interpret it as you will.

_Flashback – Italics _

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**Mr. Black Has a Thing For Squids... **

* * *

_-Flashback-_

_Sirius Black was lying by the edge of the lake with his legs dangling in the water in all his shirtless glory. His newly tan skin was glistening in the sunlight and his eyes were closed behind his sunglasses. He was humming some random punk-rock song and swishing his legs around in the water. _

_James's house was the only place that Sirius could ever truly relax. It just had that element of warmth and comfort that his family's house was severely lacking. Today wasn't the time to think about them though._

_Because today, well last night to be exact, was the day that'd he'd finally done it. He'd finally left his family for good and run away straight to James's house. He was finally free from those retched people and their pureblood supremacy crap._

_He was finally home, with James. _

_James, who was currently floating in the middle of the lake on some rubbery raft thing, was stretched out and snoring slightly. Not that Sirius was surprised. They'd stayed up all night talking about Sirius's family issues, which mostly centered around his brother. _

_Regulus had joined the Dark Lord recently. Very recently, as in yesterday recently. _

_Sirius was sure that no matter how much time passed he'd never be able to fully except that Regulus was lost to him. He'd never give up hope that Reg would see those monsters for what they really were. He'd never be able to except that his little brother was one of them. Never._

_All of the sudden Sirius felt his leg get pulled harshly into the water as he got dragged under the lake. For a moment he panicked and rushed to the surface, spurting and sputtering he whipped around. His sunglasses were now swinging from one ear. Throwing them off to the side, he came face to face with a hysterically laughing James Potter. Who was currently rolling around on the ground clutching his sides. Sirius rolled his eyes and stared at James for a moment. Then a wicked grin came across his face. _

_He slowly slinked towards James as quietly as possible and as soon as he got close enough, he linked his arms around James's scrawny body and before James could protest he threw him back into the lake. A bark like laugh erupted from his mouth as James came out of the water cursing him and trying to dislodge his glasses from the tangled mess in his hair. _

"_Thanks a lot, Paddy!" James said sarcastically still pulling on his glasses, "this is never going to come out."_

_Sirius rolled his eyes and began walking over to where James sat pouting, "Oh, come on Jamie. It was funny besides you're the one that tried to drown me by pulling my legs into the abyss!" _

"_Merlin knows what foul beasties are hidden in it's depths," Sirius finished waving his hands dramatically._

"_It's probably just a squid trying to ask you out on a date," James muttered rolling his eyes and smiling slightly. "Now help me get this out of my hair."_

_Sirius plopped down next to James and pretended to be thoughtful, "Really, a squid? Hmm…well, I was looking for a date for Saturday night. You think it's interested?" Sirius finished wiggling his eyebrows while he disentangled James's glasses from his mess of black hair._

"_Everyone's interested in you, Siri." James muttered quietly as he felt Sirius's fingers working on his hair problem._

"_Not everyone, Prongs, definitely not everyone." Sirius said under his breath trying his best to remain cool. He was never very good at lying to James, so sticking close to the truth was always best. James didn't need to know about his little crush. Well, maybe little wasn't the correct adjective. _

_You see, Sirius had known since their third year together that he'd fancied James. Well, not fancied more like desperately loved him beyond all things, including his flying Motorcycle._

_Yeah, more like that. _

_Not that it mattered, James liked that Lily girl, but that dumb bird didn't even give him the time of day. _

_So, until he worked up the courage to tell James his feelings he'd just pretend that they didn't exist. _

_Said ingenious plan was not working out so well. _

"_Oh, please Sirius. Name one person that wouldn't be on their hands and knees for you if you asked." James said slightly irritated from all the pain his scalp was feeling. _

"_Well, I don't think that you would be too keen to get on your knees for me." Sirius laughed slightly trying to focus on anything but the conversation. _

"_You're right. I wouldn't get on my knees for you, but you know that if you ever needed anything I'd say yes." James said completely oblivious to what Sirius actually meant (ME: Which is not as sexual as I totally made it seem)._

"_Yeah, Prongs. I know," Sirius said as he finally managed to untangle James's glasses. He handed them back to the boy in front of him. As James reached for them their fingers brushed and Sirius felt like a little spark that ran from his fingers all the way to his heart and back again. _

_End Flashback!_

Sirius jolted awake. Whipping around trying to see where James was. Eventually he calmed down enough to realize that, that particular incident had been years ago. Well, more like a lifetime ago. He was surprised that he could even remember that feeling after all this time. He didn't know if he was extremely happy or morbidly depressed by that.

Sirius only learned years later that he'd always feel that little spark anytime he got too close to James. It felt like static electricity anytime that he and James touched. It made him feel like he was floating, like he was suspended in mid air just floating there completely content and peaceful. It was that strange floating feeling that made him feel like he was drugged.

Yes, James Potter was Sirius Black's drug of choice. He just never could get enough.

Glancing around Sirius began to remember the events of the last few days since his escape. They had just involved running, mostly. That and the occasional rest, but that was only when Prongs disappeared. He never stayed for long. After he'd led Sirius to his desired location he'd vanish, leaving Sirius more broken hearted and more desperate for him each time.

Sirius decided that he'd better get going. Even in animagus form he shouldn't dawdle around any one place for too long. The Aurors weren't that incompetent and by now they'd have the Muggles looking for him as well. So, he had no choice, but to remain as Padfoot. Not that he minded. Padfoot's emotions were much less complex than his human ones. The gapping hole in his chest closed up somewhat when he wasn't human.

Sirius found it ironic the way that people said 'that time healed everything.' In Sirius's opinion time only made everything much worse. It only cemented the feelings of loss and gave the pain a chance to evolve and twist into something much more excruciating than simple grief.

It was that pain that was beginning to kill him.

Which wasn't really that much of a worry for Sirius, the only person that he'd ever loved was dead. If he were to die, at least the throbbing ache in his chest would finally close up. That's all he wanted.

After thirteen years of grieving pain, it would be nice to get a little relief. No matter how small and no matter the consequences.

All of the sudden something moved in front of the bushes.

It was a person rolling a cart.

A person with a scrawny build, a person with black messy hair, a person that looked exactly like James.

That was all it took for Sirius to get a closer look. He stalked out of the bushes staring at this boy who looked like a younger version of _his_ James. He just stared and tried to breath, but that wasn't very easy at the moment. He'd found James! He barked at him so that he'd notice him. His legs got ready to make the pounce, but as the boy turned around he noticed something, something that stopped him just in time from jumping at "James."

He noticed those eyes. Those _horrid_ emerald eyes. They were all wrong. That wasn't James. That was Lily's child. He stumbled back into the bushes just as the boy toppled over his trunk.

That wasn't James. Oh, no. That was Harry. That was James's child with Lily. All of the memories of their post graduation were making their way back to Sirius. He lay down in the middle of those bushes staring into space as all of the worst memories of his life came slamming back into his already too full brain.

It wasn't James. It couldn't have been James because James was dead. He'd been dead for a long time now.

Sirius had no idea how long he'd stayed in that position, but it was well after sunrise that he'd finally had the strength to move again. He slowly got back onto his legs and wobbly made his way back into the forest, his stiff joints protesting all the way.

He had to go to Hogwarts.

He had to save Harry.

It's what James would've wanted.

* * *

Remus J. Lupin was staring at the morning paper.

He was staring at the screaming face of escaped convict Sirius Black.

It had been a few weeks since Sirius had escaped and they still hadn't found him. Remus knew that if anyone should know where he was it was him, but he couldn't fathom where or what Sirius was doing. He wasn't the same man that he'd know in school. This mad man that was screaming his head off in the morning paper was You-Know-Who's right hand man. This was the man that had tricked them into believing that he was on their side. This was the man that had sold out his _best friend_ and killed Peter. Why Sirius had left Remus alone, he hadn't the faintest clue. Maybe Sirius had known that that's what would hurt Remus the most, being left all alone again.

It wasn't like he enjoyed life without them anymore. He'd been a one of them for so long he didn't know how to do anything else. He played his part in life, but he was only going through the motions. After thirteen years, Remus had gotten very good at pretending to have a life. So, now he was going back to Hogwarts, this time as a teacher.

This time he was going to see Harry.

That was going to be a little tough. Remus knew that anytime that he looked at that boy all he'd see was James. It wasn't fair for Harry, but then again nothing was.

As he stepped onto Platform 9 ¾, Remus stared around. He remembered the last time he had been on this platform. It had been the last day of school. They'd all been so excited even with the war looming. They'd thought themselves to be invincible.

Remus slowly made his way to the empty train. He'd gotten here early so that he could get a compartment all to himself. As he sat down on the all too familiar seat cushions, he stared into his reflection in the window. He had too many gray hairs, even for an aging werewolf. He looked around the compartment and he began to imagine that he could see them again.

James was eating chocolate frogs with his Quidditch book opened in his lap and talking animatedly to Sirius. Sirius had his head thrown back laughing without a care and was occasionally bobbing his head to the enchanted music player that he'd rigged up himself. Peter was on the sidelines laughing along with them softly, as Remus just sat and watched them with his nose in a book. It seemed like so long ago.

Merlin, he missed them. All of them, even Sirius.

The wolf inside of him gave a howl as his heart clenched.

Moony yearned for his pack.

* * *

**A/N:** So, we've got a lot of puppy!angst in this chapter. Please review! 

**---Next time---**

Sirius sneaks into Hogwarts, sees Harry again, and meets Crookshanks.

Wormtail is being the little fat rat and Moony starts school, again.


	4. Mr Wormtail Is Kind of a Bitch

--The usual standard disclaimers and warnings apply.

_Italics indicate Flashback _

* * *

**Chapter Four**

**Mr. Wormtail Is Kind of a Bitch…**

* * *

It was easier than he'd thought, being so close to Harry.

The Dementors seemed to have a strange effect on this boy. He'd fainted dead away as soon as they'd gotten within a few yards of him. That was more than peculiar. He'd heard of people having strange side effects from these ghouls, but never anything to this extent.

Remus stared down at the unconscious boy as his two friends helped him up into the compartment seat. At least he had someone to look after him, Remus thought slightly relieved. He stared at Harry's face and hair. There was an uncanny resemblance between father and son, but this boy was nothing like James. Remus could see that even though he'd just met this young man.

For one, he was very small for his age. Almost a malnourished look about him. It worried Remus and he made a mental note to ask the Headmaster about Harry's housing arrangements as soon as he got off the train. There was obviously something very wrong. Harry also appeared to have a quieter and more reclusive side. Remus knew that Harry was far from the loud boisterous boy his father had been. His eyes were almost exactly like his mother's with one exception. This boy's eyes were haunted. A boy that was barely thirteen shouldn't have those shadows lurking about. He shouldn't have a past that haunts him. He was far too young.

If anything, this boy reminded Remus more of himself than anyone else. They both had too large of a burden too early in life.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Remus quickly rummaged through his briefcase for some chocolate. Chocolate always made things better. He handed it to the boy who just sort of stared groggily at him. Remus smiled in a way that he'd hoped was reassuring, but he wasn't sure that he managed that expression. It had been too long since he'd had anything to smile about.

Eventually, his friends convinced him to take it. Smiling in thanks, Harry ate the chocolate bar slowly. Remus was grateful when some of Harry's color came back into his face. It was with great effort that Remus managed to repress his curiosity over what Harry had seen. After a few moments of thought it occurred to him what it must have been.

After all, he'd said that there'd been a woman screaming…that poor child. Remus felt a tug in his chest followed by a fierce wave of protectiveness towards Harry. The wolf inside Remus that had been yearning for his pack for so long now had a person to protect once again, a cub.

Prong's cub.

If there was one thing that Remus was sure of, it was that Sirius wouldn't get his hands on this boy.

No matter what.

* * *

He'd made it.

After a few long months of traveling, he'd finally made it.

Hogwarts.

He'd settled into the Shrieking Shack. No one would think to look there. They all thought it was haunted.

Good old, Moony had seen to that. He always thought of everything. Even if he didn't intend to or even realize it.

Padding his way through the tunnel that took him to the Walloping Willow, Sirius tried not to think about all the memories that this place dug up. They were practically strangling him with their strength. Even as Padfoot, this place was hurting him.

He should leave.

Just leave right now.

Nothing good was to come of this. Sirius wasn't sure why he was here. Coming to a halt right before the exit of the tunnel, Sirius stared blankly at the dim light coming from the small opening.

Shaking his shaggy hair he tried to remember why he was here. Why couldn't he leave?

Oh, yes.

Peter.

Peter was here.

He had to protect Prong's child. _His_ godchild if he remembered correctly, but then again he might have made that bit up. Too many years and too many emotions had brought him to the brink of insanity. Sirius was sure that he couldn't take much more. His chest felt like it was collapsing. He couldn't deal with this amount of stress so soon after his imprisonment. It was too soon. It would always be too soon to deal with reality.

Just as Padfoot peeked out of the stump, a streak of bright orange fur dashed past him.

Cat, Padfoot thought without much enthusiasm. A few years back he'd have been right after that cat, chasing it up a tree and barking like an idiot.

But that was years ago…lifetimes ago.

Blinking vigorously as his eyes adjusted to the bright sunlight, Sirius tried to recall all the details of Hogwarts and its layout. When all of the sudden, that same orange cat was standing in front of him. It just stared at him with glowing yellow eyes, as if it wasn't quite sure what to make of him.

Padfoot stared back without any intensity. Besides the fact that he didn't fancy chasing this fur-ball around all afternoon, Sirius didn't need some student to find that their familiar had gone missing. That would just create unnecessary obstacles and Sirius didn't need those at the moment. He had enough problems as it was. Especially, the part of how we was going to penetrate the Gryffindor common room. The rest would be cake. They'd done it a million times, a million different ways, but he needed that password.

The cat sniffed the air and tilted its head curiously. Seeming to sense that Padfoot didn't pose any serious danger, the cat crept closer and put its front paws on his nose. It meowed in question batted at his face and then took off into the bushes. Sirius stared back in confusion.

The cat rounded back into view and swooshed its tail as if he should follow. Padfoot got the hint and curious to see what this little creature wanted, he quickly trekked behind, his black tail wagging in anticipation.

Thus, an unlikely partnership was born.

* * *

That was too close, Wormtail thought as he scrambled into Ron's bag.

Way too close.

Ever since that Mudblood had gotten that cat, it had been chasing him and trying to murder him. An innocent little rat, as his owner said. He'd waited thirteen long years and some mangy cat wasn't going to ruin it now. Not after he'd gotten wind that his master was on the move.

Oh, no. He'd waited much too long.

He'd been playing the part of the good little pet, but he wouldn't have to for much longer. Not much longer. That's all he had to remind himself of. It was almost over.

He hated being in this form. It reminded him of too many things. Too many memories…

Not that he regretted it. Any of it.

It was just so uncomfortable being in this form for so long. However, it was much better than the alternative. Being dead and having everyone else think you're dead are two completely different things. Well, everyone except for Sirius, but no one is going to believe him.

Even if he had escaped.

Peter had always known that he would too. Sirius had always ruined everything. _He_ should have been James's best friend. Not that scruffy mutt. He didn't deserve James's friendship. He didn't deserve to be part of that family of Purebloods either. Sirius was given everything, but he never realized. He took everything for granted. That bastard! He ruined everything, but Peter had gotten his in the end.

Oh, yes.

He'd taken the one thing that had hurt Sirius the most, the thing that Sirius _loved_ the most. Because he hadn't just wanted to kill him. Oh, no. Peter wanted to break him heart and soul. So, that he'd never get repaired again.

He'd taken James, the one thing that Sirius couldn't get back. He'd wanted to devastate Sirius to the point that it had ripped his soul out. Even a Dementor couldn't compare to what Peter had done to Sirius.

From the look on Sirius's face that night, he'd more than succeeded.

_Flashback---Sequence---Commence_

_He could here the roar of that motorbike._

_It was getting closer. _

_His heart was burning up a hole in his chest. They had been at this for hours, the dog chasing the rat. Peter couldn't last much longer. He wasn't in shape; he was never a strong runner. Besides Sirius had a mode of transportation and was quickly gaining. _

_All of the sudden a booming loud roar echoed through the night sky as Sirius accelerated one last time. The back wheel of Sirius's infamous bike almost skimmed the top of Peter's head. He landed quickly and discarded his bike with uncommon disinterest. _

_Peter kept running._

_As he scurried away he tried to transform into Wormtail, but Sirius countered that too easily. Peter never realized how good and well trained a wizard Sirius Black was until that moment. Sirius quickly stupefied him and swung him into the air, dangling him without care. That was the first time that Peter had gotten a good look at Sirius. _

_It wasn't pretty._

_His midnight black hair was disheveled into knots from the motorbike chase and from gripping it too tightly as he'd been pulling at it at the Potter's house. Well, what was left of the Potter's house. _

_Sirius's right arm had his wand thrust out from his body, straight at Peter's heart. It was shaking slightly either from rage or hysteria. Peter couldn't tell which one and he wasn't sure with emotion he would have preferred. _

_Sirius's heavy combat boots clunked threateningly with every step that he took towards "the traitor." The dark night was filled with twinkling stars and the moon was aglow with an ominous yellow color that contrasted darkly against Sirius twisted expression. _

_The worst thing about Sirius that night was his eyes. Those silver eyes that were usually sparkling with happiness or mischief were not to be found. In their place was a hungry haunted and slightly demented shine that only grew worse in that horrid moonlight._

"_Peter," Sirius muttered softly his hair curtaining around his head, effectively blocking Peter from reading his expression._

_After he got no response he changed his tone and raised his head, "PETER!" He said with such hatred and hurt that Peter glanced up. Sirius's eyes were aflame with so many emotions. Foremost, they were heavy laid with grief and sadness. _

_Then very softly, Sirius continued his voice cracking with emotion, "What have you done?" Sirius's left arm was gripping the left side of his chest in what appeared to be a painful way. It was twisting his shirt into awkward patterns.  
_

_He was gripping his heart, Peter thought in fiendish wonderment. _

_His precious heart is gone. _

_Sirius's wand arm was shaking violently now. Tears were streaming down his all too handsome face. Peter could see his legs buckling under the realization of the situation. _

_James wasn't coming back._

_Sirius Black was a broken man; which meant that Peter was about to have his chance, his only chance to run and hide. _

_All he had to do was wait, watch, and pray that he knew Sirius well enough to know his flaw, his one flaw. His passion always got the best of him. _

_Just as Sirius lifted his wand slightly away from Peter in a particularly enormous flash of grief, Peter broke the spell and blasted the whole street apart. Faking his own death and sealing Sirius's fate in the process._

_It was his best plan to date._

_A true Marauder's plan if he said so himself._

Peter remembered this night as he was clutched too tightly in the ginger's hands. This memory always gave him a purpose. It always revived his cause.

Soon his Master would be returned and he'd be rewarded. He'd give his Master what he craved most. Harry Potter.

Then Sirius and James would be reunited again. Peter would see to that. After all, they'd always been perfect for one another. They completed each other.

It was sickening.

So, until then Peter would play the role of pet rat and bide his time. Just as he'd done for almost thirteen years now.

* * *

**A/N:** Hope that you liked it. Please review and thanks very much for reading. 


	5. The Barmaid's Musings

--The usual standard disclaimers and warnings apply.

_Italics indicate Flashback_

--Special thanks to Nika Dawson for the slight prodding. It really did make this chapter get posted faster. So, here. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Five**

**The Barmaid's Musings...**

* * *

Madam Rosmerta, the witch who runs the Three Broomsticks, often found herself staring out the slightly smudged window of the dingy pub.

Between customers, she usually gazed out and admired the sunset. It was always beautiful at this time of evening, just before it got busy with the night crowd. The orange and golden rays splashed into the pub, lighting up the usually dark place and breathing life and warmth into it. The cracked glossy finish of the wooden bar shined through the layers of dust and dirt. The light reflected off the glass bottles and shimmered across the liquor and ales in a beautiful array of colors.

She sighed softly.

This was her favorite time of day.

As she glanced out the window today though, she was confronted with a very unusual sight.

A scruffy black dog was lounging at the edge of Hogsmeade, a little ways away from the beaten path.

The bronze dirt from the walkways littered his erratically frayed fur; which glittered in the bright orange light spewing out from the sinking sun. His head was lying on his front paws and his eyes had a distinctly empty and stricken look about them. The bones from his rib cage jutted out encasing his body and giving the obvious appearance of starvation. His tail drooped slightly and every few moments his hind legs would twitch.

He'd been sitting in that same position all day, never moving more than a few inches at a time, always watching and waiting patiently.

All of the sudden, a ginger cat swaggered confidently up to the dog with a piece of parchment in its tiny mouth. The dog arched its body up and stretched out its long legs. It sniffed the cat briefly before nudging the off white paper with its black nose. The cat passed the paper to the dog and then briefly nodded its furry fat head off to the distance. The dog seemed to understand and they both walked down an adjoining alleyway.

Peculiar behavior, the pub matron thought vaguely, the sunlight making the air around her warm and hazy. She shook herself awake. She most definitely didn't have time to loiter around, musing on the odd behavior of stray animals, especially when it was almost the pub's peek hours. She had too many drinks to serve and too many drunks to keep tally of.

* * *

That cat had certainly come in handy, Sirius thought crouching in the back corner of a deserted alleyway. He'd scrunched his haggard human frame into the small space between the discolored red brick wall and a dirty trash bin. Not the most pleasant of smells, but much better than Azkaban.

He smirked crookedly at the crumpled piece of parchment in his spidery hand.

Sirius had the passwords.

He finally had them.

It had taken Crookshanks a while, but that little deviant had come through. Now all he had to do was wait until dark and then scurry in before anyone knew that something was odd.

He had the advantage as well.

He knew the castle better than anyone else. Well, better than anyone that wasn't a Marauder and after tonight, there would only be two left.

Padfoot and Moony, Sirius thought his empty smile fading slightly. Only the puppies were left. Who would have thought?

Glancing towards Crookshanks, he ruffled the orange cat's head. Somehow this little creature had become his closest companion. He was sure that James was laughing at him now, wherever he may be. Sirius never liked cats, for obvious reasons.

That wasn't the point though. No, the main point was that he finally had access to Gryffindor common room. After that other incident, he knew he needed the passwords. That stupid fat woman had no idea what was at stake! He _needed_ to get into that room and okay, maybe the knife was a little overkill, but no one ever said that he had a stable temper. Besides, the painting looked much better with her fat ugly face out of it. Sirius thought it was more abstract with the dagger streaks across the canvas, very modern.

After all, he needed to save Harry.

It was the job that James bestowed on him and by Merlin he was going to fulfill it.

A clamoring noise alerted his and Crookshanks attention to the end of the alley. He transformed hastily into Padfoot and peeked out from behind the bin, sniffing the air for any sign of danger. Some random man drunkenly stumbled into the glow of the sunset.

Phew.

That was close. He thought giving his feline companion a relieved look. The orange cat looked at him and then glanced towards the sky. Padfoot looked up and saw that the sun was almost set. The sky was a light purple color with dark blue hues. His eyes darkened considerable when reminded of his task, he began walking towards the end of the alley. Stretching his muscles and stiff joints all the way, he followed the cat out of the alleyway and into the darkening streets.

* * *

The picture frame swung open revealing the common room. As he steadily made his way through the portrait hole, Sirius began to fight back his assaulting memories. Even with the no lights, Sirius still knew the layout. It hadn't changed in twenty years.

He spotted the fireplace that he'd often sat in front of with James. Playing games or rehearsing plans for their next big prank. Anything really, anything was fun with James.

He mentally jump started his brain. He couldn't afford to have a breakdown in the middle of the Gryffindor common room. Not right now. He could grieve and angst later.

Glancing around to his right, he spotted the staircases that led to the dorm rooms. He stalked silently up the spiraling steps, careful to miss the faulty and squeaky ones. Taking note of all the doors, he took hold of the third year door handle and gently pulled, willing it to not squeal with age.

Sirius breathed out for the first time since entering the stairs. No noise, he thought thankfully. He quickly stepped into the room and glanced around. Memories and moments clamored towards his consciousness. Long forgotten events and strings of thoughts floated into his brain. All of these rioted and raged for attention. Attention that they rightly deserved, but he couldn't deal with that. Not now. Not when he was_so_ close.

It was then that he saw that head of messy black hair.

Sirius froze, his breathing was ragged. Every thought, feeling, and memory that had been tormenting him since his arrival ascended upon him in that moment. His brain, which had been hollow while repressing these images, now swelled biliously and was threatening to collapse. Grabbing his mattered and grimy hair, Sirius clamped his eyes shut and began trying to quell his thoughts. He'd spent too long for this to happen, but he couldn't help it.

One name was repeated in all of these images.

_James._

_James._

_James. James. James. James._

The name spiraled and sank deeply into his brain. As if it was trying to embed itself into every section of his mind. He'd worked so hard over these past months to get beyond him, but it all seemed futile. His resolve is crumbling. It was just a matter of time before the flood of emotions and feelings finally took over. He stumbled over towards that ginger child, the one that had Peter.

If he was going down, so was that damn traitor!

Just as he reached the child's bed, his eyes snapped open. Sirius jumped back and ran. He didn't have much time. Mentally stable or not, he knew he had to get out of this common room _immediately_.

He ran to the portrait and slid out gracefully. With years of experience on his side, he reached the statue quickly and transformed. The castle was buzzing with excitement and magic was flowing through the walls. Sirius could feel it getting further and further away as he descending back down the secret passage to Honeydukes. Adrenaline was pumping furiously through his veins, possessing his body and willing him to carry out impulsive actions.

Half way to the cellar of the candy shop, Sirius's body collapsed. Heaving breathes and hurling sobs rack his abused frame. Tears stream down his pale gaunt face, making his eyes look ever more sunken in.

He's failed.

He's failed James.

He can't even do this properly. It's the only thing that James left him with and he's a complete failure. He _always_ was. Gripping his chest, Sirius lays down onto the dusty floor. Shaking and muttering to himself, he can only watch as all the images in his mind play out. In his catatonic state, Sirius can only stare into the musty and dark space before him, he can only see James. Smiling and laughing like the good times.

Like before.

* * *

After an indeterminable amount of time, Sirius begins to regain a sense of himself, his breathing returns to normal. His lungs fill with the aged air from the passage way. He stays still and silent, reveling as his thoughts come back to him, as his sanity returns.

Sirius wipes his eyes and gets all of the wetness off of his face. Falteringly, he manages to stand up. His legs quake underneath him, but he can't stop. He needs to get out because if Moony is there.

If Moony catches him…

Well, he doesn't know what his school mate would do, but he's not too inclined to find out just yet, at least not when he's in this state, this pathetic state.

* * *

Once he was safely in the forest, he thinks about what happened. It was Harry's hair that had triggered his break down.

His bloody _hair_.

Sirius banged his hands against the ground in his frustration. Dirt hovers around him and his hands tear at the grassy ground in aggravation. How was he supposed to do this, when the boy's hair was too much for him to handle?

Sirius threw himself backwards onto his back. Staring at the stars through the trees, he cools himself down. Crookshanks is by his side again. He gently picks the cat up and lays it on his stomach, petting the orange thing thoughtlessly. Closing his eyes, he indulges himself into thinking about James. He knows it will hurt when he reopens his eyes and finds this all to be a dream, but at the moment, he could care less. It will be more painful this way, but he can't stop it. Not tonight.

He just wants to pretend. Even if it's just for one moment, that James is back.

Even if it's just for a moment, he just wants everything to be alright.

* * *

Remus was walking past the statue of the one eyed witch. He'd passed it seven times now. He should be looking for Sirius, but he keeps coming back here.

He isn't stupid. He knows why he keeps circling around. It's because of the miniscule chance that _this_ is how he's getting in.

This secret.

It pains him to think that Sirius would use _their _secrets to get his revenge on Harry. Even though Remus knows how Sirius is now, he still can't believe it.

It's simply impossible.

So for now, Remus will ignore it. After all, no one was injured. Everything is fine. Sirius escaped Azkaban, he could most certainly find his way into the castle another way.

It isn't his fault.

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks for reading. Please review. 


	6. The Thoughts of a Bored Dog

--The usual standard disclaimers and warnings apply.

_Italics indicate Flashback_

Thanks to all of those that review. It's greatly appreciated.

--Sorry for the lateness as well. My teachers are trying to kill me. It's a conspiracy so that they won't have to work anymore because all their students will be dead. I've figured it out! They won't get away with it!

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Thoughts of a Bored Dog…**

**By: EIW**

* * *

Sirius Black had always been partial towards Hippogriffs.

They were majestic and regal, they could fly, and best of all if they didn't like someone they simply killed them. Sirius often wished that he could just kill people that pissed him off. Life would be so much simpler if that was the way the world worked.

Sirius was currently perched at the edge of the woods watching the large winged creature lounge about in the Gamekeeper's pumpkin patch, sniffing and staring in Animagus's general direction every once in a while. Never for too long though, it seemed to sense that he was no threat.

Sirius was content to just sit there and think about all the happenings as of late. Nothing much was going on. After the whole password incident, Sirius had decided that he shouldn't try that again anytime soon. Dumbledore would've increased security and although he knew he could probably get by, he didn't want to risk it.

Especially, since Remus was there. Moony was bound to know something was going on. He had been one of the smartest in their year by far. The werewolf wasn't one to be kept in the dark. He'd figure it out eventually, if he hadn't already.

Sirius had been wandering about in the forest when he'd smelt Harry's scent and rushed over here to keep watch.

Harry and his friends had just entered the half-giant's shabby hut a few moments ago. Well, he hadn't been sure it was Harry at first, but that cloak…

That cloak said it all.

The number of times he and James disappeared under it. 

* * *

"_Sirius," James whispered harshly, "Wake up!"_

"_Come on, Padfoot. Move your arse!" He said, shaking his friend who was still lying in bed cocooned by his Gryffindor red sheets. Sirius blinked a couple of times before he realized what was happening. _

_He and James were supposed to go and prank the Slytherins tonight, but he must've fallen asleep. Struggling to untangle himself from his sheets, Sirius groaned and rolled out of bed onto the hard floor. James snickered and helped to pull him up. Grinning in thanks, Sirius grabbed his hastily discarded shirt and shrugged it on and trying to button it with his slowly functioning fingers. Sirius plopped onto his bed as he pulled his shoes on quickly and readjusted his small ponytail. _

_ James held out his hand towards Sirius and hauled his sleepy comrade up. _

_Sirius smiled widely at James and said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, "You ready to go prank those nasty Slytherins?"_

_James grinned back, "Always."  
_

_With that James threw his Invisibility Cloak over Sirius's head and slipped under. Once they were under the cloak, Sirius had to remember to keep his hands to himself. James's hot breath would brush up against his ear whenever he whispered to him, causing the nerves in his brain to pop with every heated whisper. _

_Sirius's hands would twitch with excitement whenever they got too close to James's tanned skin. The hair on Sirius's arms was upright and he had to keep whipping the palms of his hands on his pants. They were sweating pretty regularly tonight. James had that effect on him. _

_All of the sudden James grabbed his wrist and Sirius found it difficult to concentrate. _

_Well, more difficult that usual. _

"_Professor McGonagall," James whispered urgently and pointed towards the little dot on the map. Glancing up slightly, James must have realized something was wrong. _

"_Padfoot, are you alright? Your face is all white."_

"_Yeah, James I'm fine." Sirius said stumbling on his words. "Just don't want to get caught. It's the Quidditch finals this weekend, you know. We can't lose to the snakes this year." Sirius lied while smiling slightly, trying to sell it with his eyes. Meanwhile, his body was going into overdrive from the close proximity of James and himself. _

_Laughing softly James quietly said, "Don't worry, Paddy. I won't let anything happen to ya." The last part was said with a wink. _

_Sirius's legs buckled. _

_James grinned and looked down at the map again. Watching as the Transfiguration professor's dot went back into her classroom. _

"_Clear," James said, walking purposefully towards the entrance of the Slytherin common room with his hand still gripping Sirius's wrist, a fact that was not lost on the other boy. Smiling to himself, Sirius followed James obediently. His skin tingling and prickling all the way, he silently prayed that he had enough control to not lean over and kiss the life out of his best friend. _

_After they'd sufficiently vandalized the Snake common room, James and Sirius slowly made their way through the castle corridors. Giggling and whispering frantically to each other, they boys clutched their sides from the pain of having to repress their laughter. Shoulders bumped together and hands brushed against one another and this only served to elevate the high that Sirius was feeling from the prank. _

"_Oh Merlin, they are going to be raging tomorrow!" James said breathlessly. _

"_I know! I wish we could be there when they wake up. It's going to be priceless." Sirius smiled jumping up slightly and swinging his arm around James's shoulders. Sirius's eyes were glowing bright and James was staring at him with an odd look. _

"_What?" Sirius questioned suddenly confused at the expression on James's face._

_James shook his head lightly and said, "Nothing, mate." _

_A comfortable silence settled upon them as they wandered back to the dorms. _

_James leaned into Sirius's arm as they made their way through the portrait hole. Sirius had felt complete that night. It was a feeling that he got anytime that James let him touch him. It was scary sometimes though, to feel that much for another human being. _

"_Thanks for going with me, Siri." James said patting Sirius on the back affectionately as they got to the door of their dorm. _

"_Anytime," Sirius quietly answered as he climbed into bed. Rolling his shoulders back, Sirius could still feel the warmth from where James's hand had been._

* * *

Sirius stared into the distance remembering the way that James's skin felt on his. It was an intoxicating feeling, one that he missed every moment of his life. He often wondered what it would have been life if he had just grabbed James and…

Well, he'd never know now. No use wallowing in self-pity. He had revenge to extract. It would be sweet and after that maybe he'd finally be able to see James again. After all, even if he managed to kill Peter he'd still be a criminal. He still wouldn't be free, and he still wouldn't have James. So, there really was no point.

A shriek from the hut startled him out of his musings. His black ears lifted up to get a better listen, but nothing else could be heard. It was probably nothing, Sirius assured himself.

Then he spotted a shimmer coming across the walkway towards the hut. Staring at it as it got closer, Sirius realized what or rather who it was.

Lucius Malfoy and Walden MacNair. He'd recognize that head of hair anywhere.

Merlin, Lucius looked old. That hair never changed though, almost white blond hair that always caught the light. It was ridiculously pretentious hair, perfectly suitable for a ridiculously pretentious man.

Some things never change, Sirius thought to himself rolling his eyes.

Then he noticed the axe in MacNair's hands.

Oh.

That's right. The hippogriff had nipped at Lucius's little poncy child. The poor creature didn't do anything wrong. It just didn't want that Death Eater scum near it. No one could knock it for that.

By the back door, Sirius noticed the movements of the grass.

Good boy, Harry. Sirius thought proudly.

The boy wasn't stupid. He knew what was going on. As they ran away from the hut, Sirius caught a scent in the wind.

**Peter**.

With that thought Sirius ran after their trail. His lungs were burning from the lack of air. His breath wasn't coming as easily as it should, but he was too caught up to notice much. He willed his legs to go faster and each stride he took was wider than the one before. His mouth was dry from his anxiety. 

He had to catch that rat.

He had to save Harry.

Eventually he caught up with them, conveniently right near the Willow. Thank heavens for that. It would make this much easier.

He skid into their line of sight and growled at the rat in the ginger boy's hands. Peter was squirming and Sirius didn't have time. He dove at the boy and grabbed his leg. In the background he could hear Harry and the girl yelling. Then he felt the boy twist the wrong way and heard his leg break. Sighing with irritation, Sirius tried to pull the boy more gently down the passage.

Couldn't the boy just stay still, he thought angrily to himself. Making his way towards the Shrieking Shack, Sirius prayed that Harry wasn't brave enough to come after them or maybe he wasn't smart enough to figure the tree out. He didn't want to do it like this, but he couldn't risk it.

Peter was too close.

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks for reading and please review! It makes me update quicker.


	7. Cat, Rat, and an Angst Ridden Dog

-It's not mine and it never will be. That makes me cry often.

**Thanks to everyone for sticking with me on this. It's definitely not a very well written piece, but I'm working on it. So, thanks for the reviews. I have astronomical love for you.**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

**Cat, Rat and an Angst Ridden Dog**

* * *

_Sirius Black_

_Peter Pettigrew_

Remus Lupin was currently staring blankly at the map in front of him. Specifically, he was gaping at section of the map that the small dots labeled with his former best friends' names had just disappeared, and of course, followed by three of his best and favorite students.

Not just any section of the map though. No, they disappeared down a very familiar pathway. This path led directly to the Shrieking Shack. The smartest students in his class had just followed a known serial murderer and a dead man down into the Walloping Willow. If Remus had felt inclined, he might have made a vague reference to a "rabbit hole" from _Alice and Wonderland_ however, as it were, he was most definitely not.

He stared for a few more moments, debating whether he'd finally lost his mind or not. Finally after surmising that even if had gone completely mad it wouldn't matter in the slightest if he took a trip to that god forsaken house, he ran out of his classroom knocking papers and random books over as he fled. His tattered robes swished about behind him as he made for the hideously violent tree.

As Remus neared said tree, he found evidence of a struggle. If the drag marks in the soft dirt, several treads of footprints, and stench of blood were any indication. Cold dread filled his stomach and he rushed to press the knot to freeze the spastically moving tree. Carefully, so as to not get knocked over, Remus slipped easily down the passageway. Fully grateful for all the practice he'd had during his school days, he landed softly on his feet and made his way down the dank passageway. He tried to move as fast and as quietly as possible. Praying and wishing to catch Sirius by surprise because even if his friend was severely weakened by Azkaban, he was still a formidable opponent. Sirius had always been an exceptional duelist, always at the ready and quick on his feet.

He heard voices and movements upstairs and they didn't sound promising. He walked up the stairs, gripping his wand tightly in his sweating palms. He opened the squeaking and aging door.

* * *

_Thump_

_Bump_

_Thump_

Sirius growled in annoyance. The child that he was currently dragging through the house simply had no idea of how much easier this would be if he just stayed still. But, oh no, he simply had to trash about like a beached whale. Bumping and thumping himself into an unconscious state. It was completely ridiculous and unnecessary.

Finally, and with much difficultly, Sirius made it up the ancient and scratched up staircase. He flung the boy against the wall disarmed him. He quickly slipped behind the door and waited expectantly for his godson to arrive. Flicking his matted hair away from his face, Sirius closed the door just enough so that Harry would get a perfect view of his friend without seeing him. His forehead rested on the backside of the door as he prepared himself for the face he was going to see. His eyes closed and his gripped the ginger child's wand.

He was prepared this time. It'd be alright. He could do this.

Just don't think about James.

Rolling his eyes to himself, Sirius thought that it was easier said than done.

His face turned towards the resounding steps on the staircase. A pained smile crossed across Sirius's gaunt face. Harry and the girl entered the room and began trying to rescue their friend. Sirius slowly pushed the door away from him. Revealing himself and effectively closing off the only exit in the room besides the dirty window, but that had been spelled closed since Remus had used this house all those years ago.

Sirius began to try and speak to Harry, but being devoid from human contact and communication for so long, it wasn't very easy to make his point known. His words twisted in circles about James and Peter. Sirius knowing all the while that he was simply confusing the boy more. After a few moments of this, Harry looked ready to charge at him.

James's son after all, Sirius thought grinning manically.

His friends had a hold of Harry's arms, but by the looks of it they didn't have a very firm grip. The girl was yelling at Harry to stop, but the other boy just told Sirius that he'd have to kill them all the get to Harry.

Oh.

So, that's what this was all about.

They thought he wanted to kill his godson. Laughing slightly at the ridiculous of the situation, Sirius stared at the ginger boy. He had courage, he'd give him that. The boy then paled considerably as he tried to stand up. Sirius felt a twinge of guilt. He could have been less rough with the boy. He couldn't have been over thirteen.

He tried to calm the children by telling them that there was only one murder tonight, but that didn't appear to quell their anger or fear. Instead, Harry decided to lunge at him after a heart breaking yell about Sirius killing his parents. The declaration sent Sirius into a stupor of memories and guilt ridden feelings. He hesitated too long and Harry crashed into him. Sending them both flailing and fighting for control. Pushing Harry off, Sirius blindly grabbed for a wand, but Harry was faster than he'd calculated.

His godson had him at wand point against the wall of the Shrieking Shack and from the look in the boy's eyes he was about to kill him. A chuckle bubbled up from his chest, followed by his hysterical barking laugh. The situation was so unnecessary and preposterous that Sirius couldn't help it. After all this time of trying to protect this boy, Harry was going to kill him and in inevitably allow Peter to live.

Sirius couldn't believe this was happening.

"Going to kill me, Harry?" he whispered (1).

Harry just stared and told him that he was responsible for his parents deaths. Something that was only partially true. The boy had no way of knowing this though. A nasty voice in the back of Sirius's mind reminded him that he had as good as killed them.

Trying to get through to the boy, Sirius began to loosely construct sentences, willing the boy to listen to the whole story. He just had to hold Harry off long enough to be able to kill Peter and fulfill his promise to James. Sirius didn't want anything more than that. He just didn't want to let James down, whether he was dead or not.

His furry companion, Crookshanks, jumped up to his chest and refused to budge. Sighing mentally, Sirius was happy to have someone on his side – human or not.

All of the sudden, there were footsteps on the staircase and the girl was yelling.

Shit.

_Shit._

**Shit.**

He couldn't get caught! Not when he was _so_ close.

The door burst open.

Sirius was suddenly taken aback by the appearance of his only remaining best friend as he rushed into the room. His brain wasn't functioning properly at this point so he said nothing and simply stared at the aging werewolf.

The only thought that seeped into the convicts brain was that Remus's hair was going grey.

It wasn't a relevant thought, but it was the only thing that passed through his mind. He always was a shallow person though. It shouldn't be surprising, he supposed.

"Where is he, Sirius?" Remus asked tensely (2).

Sirius couldn't make words form correctly and just pointed at Harry's friend with the broken leg. His feelings were jumbled up. His heart was actually beating frantically from seeing Remus. In all his angst about James, he hadn't realized how much he'd missed Moony. He had missed his friend terribly and he knew that if he'd still been Padfoot, he'd be wagging his tail frantically.

Remus was then up to his usual miraculous feats of dedication. Figuring the entire situation out in less than two minutes, Remus stared at Sirius and asked if they'd switched Secret Keepers without telling him. Nodding like a child that just got caught stealing cookies, Sirius just stared guiltily at his friend. Always the gentleman, Remus offered his hand to help Sirius up.

After standing up, Sirius grabbed Remus and pulled him into a hug. Gripping him as tightly as possible and murmuring incoherently about how sorry he was and how he'd messed up, begging the werewolf to forgive him. Remus chuckled at him and whispered that it was alright and that he understood, but they had to talk about it later and pulled away.

Then everything sped up.

Remus was arguing with the children who were, not surprisingly, confused. Trying to explain and reason with highly emotional teenagers was not Sirius's forte. So, he elected to stay out of it until Harry once again accused him of killing James.

Sirius couldn't take it anymore. He broke down and babbled and rambled, trying to plead his case to this person who looked so like James. He was trying to explain himself to James (wherever he might be) and trying very hard to apologize to the last piece of James that was left on this Earth. Trying to make his god child understand that, yes, it was his fault, but it was Peter's as well.

Remus, being the excellent mediator that he always was, helped considerably. However, he was detoured considerably by the girl who was going on and on about werewolves. Screaming that he'd been helping Sirius get into the castle. Which Sirius wished had been the case because it would have been much easier. Meanwhile, Sirius was caught up staring at Harry. He looked extraordinarily like James. Except for those eyes. They were still wrong, but he was close. Sirius shook his head violently trying to force his thoughts about James out. He didn't need to do this. Harry still needed protecting. This wasn't over.

Eventually, they came to the map. Sirius smiled at this. He was so proud about how much they'd accomplished, The Marauders. Suddenly, the conversation reversed back to Peter.

"That's not a rat," Sirius croaked.

"He's a wizard," Remus said quietly.

"An Animagus by the name of Peter Pettigrew," Sirius finished (3).

All were content just to stare between Remus, Sirius, and the "rat" that Ron was clutching desperately to his chest.

* * *

**A/N: **This scene took a lot longer than I anticipated. I have a paper due tomorrow which I haven't even begun to start on, so I'm going to pause there. I'll have the next one up by next Friday.

--Please review and thanks for reading. You win at life.

--Happy extremely late St. Patrick's Day. I think I just got over my hangover yesterday. Me and Faolan (brother) had a great time ; )

1 - pg. 341 POA

2 - pg. 343 POA

3 - pg. 348 POA


	8. Of Memories and Moons

Standard disclaimer applies.

Some quotations come from the the Prisoner of Azkaban, which is owned by J.K. That lucky slag.

_Italics flashback_

All anti-Slytherin comments are those solely of Mr. Sirius Black and do not in any reflect the author's own opinions.

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Of Memories and Moons**

* * *

Sirius Black's plans never did carry out well.

Occasionally one or two of them went off without a hitch, but that was very rare. James's plans always went perfectly. Maybe that was because he squared them with Moony beforehand, unlike Sirius who just barged into things without a second thought. He really should have learned by now that just dragging children into a creepy old "haunted" house would have its repercussions, but once again he was Sirius Black, and at the time he couldn't be bothered with consequences.

"Peter Pettigrew's _dead_!" Harry said. "_He_ killed them twelve years ago!" (1)

The boy screamed like his mother, Sirius thought annoyed and his face twitched slightly from the memory.

The innumerable times that Lily Evans screeched at James for small trifling things, he'd remember that yell anywhere. Maybe Harry wasn't so much like James after all. That thought put a smile on Sirius's face, which only served to make the girl leaned closer to the child with the broken leg. Rolling his eyes, Sirius turned to look towards Harry when Scrabbers tail poked out from a gap in the boy's fingers.

Quickly, Sirius threw Crookshanks, who had previously been snuggling into his chest, to the floor and lunged for the rat.

"Sirius, NO!" Remus yelled, literally dragging his friend away from the horrified child. (2)

Remus was telling him that they had to explain.

Well, screw that, Sirius thought furiously. He'd waited too long.

Sirius continued to struggle against his werewolf friend, while Remus was holding him back and trying to make him see reason. If he could just Moony to move a little to the left, he'd be able to use his weight as leverage and get Peter. Remus, sensing what Sirius was trying to do, tightened the hold on his old friend and whispered, "Nice try, Siri."

Growling in frustration and exhaustion, Sirius sagged against Remus. "All right then. Tell them what you like. But make it quick, Remus. I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for." Sirius said never taking his eyes off Peter. (3)

* * *

Remus Lupin was too tired and too old to deal with this.

Sirius Black was struggling to get to Peter like the deranged man that Remus had previously believed him to be and the children were petrified that he was trying to kill their rat or Harry or something.

It was all disastrous and bordering on absurd.

As Sirius weight sagged against him, he slowly let go. Making sure that it wasn't some sort of trap to get to Peter, Remus continued to stare at Sirius in apprehension. He began to tell the story about his "furry little problem" and the accomplishments of his fellow Marauders. After a few moments of talking the children seemed to calm down and relax a little. Harry mentioned Snape's name and Sirius's head snapped up.

"Snape?" Sirius said looking towards Remus with a look of genuine curiosity. "What's he got to do with this?" (4)

"He's teaching here, Sirius."

A look of furious hatred splashed into Sirius's darkly hallowed eyes. His upper lip twitched and his eyes narrowed.

Ah, even after all these years. Sirius still can't stand that man, Remus thought fondly smiling slightly at his friend's childish reaction.

* * *

Then a voice made itself known, and stepping out of the shadows with Harry's invisibility cloak in tow, was Severus Snape with a vicious sneer already in place.

Sirius jumped up.

That voice dripping with snarky sarcasm and vile intentions.

Snivellus.

Everything sped up very quickly. Remus was arguing with Snape, but the man didn't listen. He never did. He bound Moony and pointed his wand straight between Sirius's eyes. Snape's dark eyes sparkling menacingly, begging Sirius to give him a reason.

Sirius glared back and was suddenly reminded of why he hated this man. The snark, his stupid greasy hair, the tattoo that graced the inside of his forearm, the overall animosity that was spewed between them over the years, and the one reason above all else that Sirius hated him, for making James hate him.

It had been in there sixth year that Sirius had finally managed to get one up on Snape and it had backfired in his face magnificently.

* * *

_He'd been lurking about in the shadows and following Snivellus around for weeks now. It wasn't something that he was proud of, but the look on Snape's face would be well worth the effort. It wasn't stalking per say, because Sirius Black didn't stalk people. It was unbecoming of a Gryffindor to do something as Slytheriny as that, he was simply watching and waiting. Plotting if you will, nothing wrong about that. _

_Lately, Sirius had noticed that Severus had been watching them closely. A little too closely, especially James. He'd been eyeing him up all week and he'd get what was coming to him. Oh, yes he would. Because you see, Sirius had thought up a great plan, a plan so ingenious that it could never be traced back to him. _

_Sirius grinned roguishly as he thought about the conversation he'd just held with Snivellus concerning a certain "haunted house." Severus would be dead and it wouldn't be anyone's fault but his own. Sirius was sure that Remus couldn't be charged if only for the fact that Dumbledore seemed to have a soft spot for the werewolf. _

_Sirius had told Snape when, where, and how to get in, now all he had to do was wait._

* * *

"_Sirius how could you?" James Potter yelled at his best friend. Former best friend, he had to remind himself of that. No best friend of his hurt a good person like Remus, no best friend of his tried to __**kill**__ someone. _

"_Prongs, I didn't mean to hurt Remus. I was only trying to get Snivellus to leave us alone" Sirius said his voice breaking and his eyes pleading at James to understand. _

"_I can't believe you were so careless," James said running a hand through his messy hair, "Lily was right about you." James finished staring coldly into Sirius eyes. _

"_What? James, what are you talking about?" Sirius said his back upright and shoulders rolled back. Standing defensively and trying not to cry, Sirius began to feel numb. It would only make it worse if he was crying. _

"_She said that you were dangerous. You're reckless. She said you'd get us all killed one day," James spoke sneeringly. _

"_I would never try to kill you, James. I love you." Sirius said his voice completely honest and eyes open wide. His throat was dry and his breath was haggard. His hands were sweating. He couldn't feel anything. _

_Everything was wrong. _

"_I hate you." James said with such sternness that there was no doubt his eyes as he stared into Sirius's gob smacked face. _

_Sirius, who was standing at the doorway to the Hospital Wing tears streaming down his face, was at a loss of words. Remus stirred in the bed next to James and with one last disgusted glance at Sirius he turned away to attend Moony._

_Everything gone so unbelievably wrong, Sirius thought shaking as he walked away. Half way to the Common Room, Sirus collapsed against a wall with a sob and slid down to the floors. He wrapped his arms around his knees and with his hair acting as a curtain around his face he cried.  
_

_He remained that way until day break. _

_After a few months, all was seemingly well once again between the Marauders, but James forgot to take those words back and Sirius always remembered.  
_

* * *

Sirius found himself in the tunnel with Harry and the children being led by Moony towards the castle. Peter was bound and Snape unconscious. All seemed to be going well.

"You look remarkably like him, Harry." Sirius said to his newly admitted Godson. (5)

I've just got to remember that you're _not _him, Sirius thought to himself. Watching the boy with emotions that didn't belong to this thirteen year old child, it wasn't Harry's fault that he looked like James.

He offered to let the boy stay at his house, assuming that he still had one. The boy eagerly agreed and Sirius felt his heart thump to life again. A little piece of James was better than nothing, he supposed.

Through the opening of the tunnel Sirius glanced at the full moon and his eyes darted to Monny, whose body was contorting in pain.

Oh, no.

Not tonight, Remus, any night but tonight.

* * *

Footnotes 1-5: From POA owned by J.K.

**A/N:** Thanks for reading and hopefully reviewing. If you do, you'll receive the Marauder of your choice. : ) Come, on. You know you want to.

Cheers!

--Oh, and the part about Severus "eyeing up James" is totally a hallucination of Sirius's mind. He's jealous of Lily and dispelling his emotions elsewhere.

Elsewhere is referring to poor Severus, of course. The poor dear never catches a break.


End file.
